Dyscalculia

 Hi

I can't do sums.   Maths.  Geometry.  Call it what you will.  A rose by any other name...  

The official name for what I have is Dyscalculia.

My close friends know I have Dyscalculia but I've never mentioned it in writing.  Ever.  This is a big thing for me to admit in public.

From Standard 1 class onwards, I havent been able to grasp how to do sums. I look at a number and my mind gallops around in a frantic  haze.  It doesn't matter how many times well-meaning friends explain to me about fractions, I can't get my head around them.  Before paying a bus driver, I would stand for about ten minutes counting my fare money a dozen times, to make sure it was right.  Lots of times, it wasn't.

When I used to get my change counted into my hand in a shop, why did the assistant count backwards?  When asked by a teacher what was 62 x 13, I would have to write the number 62 down 13 times, and then add it up.

I counted everything on my fingers which was extremely difficult because money and measurements came in 12s, and I only had ten digits.  At secondary school, I had procured a pencil with all the timetables on it - a brilliant cheat for when I sat tests or exams.  Needs must, I figured.

I was well-used to getting below 10 out of 100 marks for maths or arithmetic exams. But I never shirked an exam with a fake dental appointment, like various classmates did for their exams.  I guess this was the only point of pride for me.

When those shop assistants counted that change into my hand, I used to try to look intelligent, and nod knowingly.   I still do this today.  I can't tell if the price I've been charged is correct because I'm too embarrassed to point anything out to the checkout operator because I know I'll be wrong.

I used to think how dumb I was, how ashamed I was that I could never understand why my mind went into panic-mode the very second I saw a maths question, or had to hand over money.

But I was a reader.  I was top in English class and I went to the library three times a week from age 10.  It was the library where I came across a new book from english actress Susan Hampshire (remember her in 'The Forsyte Saga"?).  The book was "Susan's Story" (originally published in 1981 and still on sale).  She was dyslexic.  And at the very end of the book I found a piece about Dyscalculia.  It meant not being able to do sums, or maths.  A sister to Dyslexia.

What?  The numbness in my mind?  The fear that gripped me when numbers reared up in front of my eyes?  The thud-thud-thud of my heart if the teacher picked me to answer an arithmetic question?  The not being able to even format an answer when sums were involved?

There was a name for my terror of figures?  

Yes...   Dyscalculia.  Dyscalculia!  Dyscalculia!!!  

And this diagnosis was confirmed for me later on....  

But an even greater thing happened in 1967.  Decimal currency came in.  I could count on my fingers rapidly, because - bet you've guessed? - I had ten digits!!  Nowadays, there is no faster finger-counter in the country than me .  Because I hop on the answer instantly a friend wonders about a maths question, and before anyone else in my group has even thought about adding anything up mentally, I've counted on my fingers.  I have the answer out within seconds.  Not so, of course with long division, multiplication, or fractions.  I still can't do those...

But I'm so grateful I found out all those years ago why my brain goes into a crazy funk whenever I see numbers.  It made me realise that I wasn't as dumb as many teachers and classmates thought I was.

Thanks, Susan.