Hi there
As I type this, I am slouching on the couch, Diet Coke (Diet Coke?) beside me. I am feeling all full and happy after eating an entire family pizza. Oops ... oh, well, my true diet can start tomorrow ...
Feeling all full and happy makes me think about that old vintage song, "It's Illegal, It's Immoral, or It Makes You Fat". Too true, eh? But I don't want to think about that for too long, so my brain switches over to the super-hero genre. And there is a connection. I promise.
I've been bored for quite a time with super-hero movies. The last half-hour of any such movie is full of mayhem and destruction. Every film tries to out-do the previous super-hero film in the just-watch-how-much-I-can-destroy-a-city stakes. Yawn....
It reminds me of a book by Megan Derr called "Trick of the Light' where the (non-super) hero specialises in super-hero destruction insurance. Your shop-windows crashed into by a super-hero? - yep, this insurance guy can see to the repair. Your roof tiles blasted into smithereens (goodness, those villain rayguns can certainly pack a punch)? Ditto. Your house disappears into a kilometre-deep hole because the current super-hero and the current super-villain got into a hand-to-hand brawl? Well, this insurance rep can fix it. The Empire State Building? The Brooklyn Bridge? The Statue of Liberty? - you pay your insurance, everything will be hunky-dory re-built.
But I'm having trouble with two super-heroes: Thor. Superman.
My super-heroes should be masculine. And gorgeous. And fighting-fit for every tangle they have with a super-villain. I don't want wishy-washy heroes. Ones who get slovenly, obese, and drunk (Thor). Or lose fights, get bloodied up, and a dog has to save them (Superman).
I got embarrassed for the weakling Superman when I saw him lying on the snow, bleeding out. And I was appalled by Thor slobbing on the couch, playing around on his computer (oh dear, just like me). I wanted to buy both Thor and Superman gym memberships to get back in shape.
I don't want my super-heroes to become me, lolling about, eating pizza. I wouldn't be able to punch my way out of a paper bag, but I want Superman to beat every single baddie, except, of course, for the traditional ones carrying Kryptonite in their swag bag; no blood involved in those types of confrontations, so I wouldn't get embarrassed for him over that kind of take-down...
Come on, Hollywood, it's time to put our super-heroes back on their pedestals.
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