Hi there
I want you to imagine the conversation between photographers, paparazzi or whoever is waiting outside The Old Bailey, or the High Court, or where someone has just been sentenced for some really heinous crime -
"Oi, Bert, when's the van comin' out with the prisoner in it? I want a photo through a window."
"Yeah, me too. It'll be worth thousands from The Sun or The Mirror. Cross fingers, Lord Heathshire gives us a snarl..."
"A naughty gesture..."
"He moons us..."
And why is it, my four dear readers, that even though we always see photographers chasing police vans after a court appearance, and those photographers are frantically snapping their cameras against windows ... we never ever see a photo of the prisoner encased in the vehicle.
The windows are obviously darkened. Surely, the photographers have realised after years of running alongside the vans, that no photo can be obtainable. All they will have to show for it, after all that running, puffing, and perfectly imitating the most vehicle-chasing pet labrador, will be half-a-dozen black smudgy photos?
And yet, they still make an attempt for that photo, the one that will bring in millions -
The second the doors from the Court car yard start to swing open, and there's a glimpse of a police van -
"Bert-bert-BERT! There's the van- Get in there-"
Bert and the other photographers leap into the fray, frantically snapping their cameras. These guys know they'll never get a good photo but it's a Pavlovian response; they've been doing this action for so many years that, by now, they don't understand to do anything else...
Bliss their little celebrity-chasing hearts
