More improbabilities

Today I've been on edge waiting for my Kindle to arrive by courier.  I kept running to the window all morning checking.  Nothing.   In the pm I went into the backyard to do a spot of sun basking.  But just in case, I took a dress to quickly throw over my shorts and top.  I didn't want the courier to catch me on the hop.  No-one must see my flabby tummy and big fat thighs.  I have some pride.

By 2 30 pm, I decided to sink myself (mainly for the sake of my poor ankles) into a hot (bubble) bath.  I plunged down in amongst the suds, breathed out a sigh of contentment and then  - there was a loud banging on my front door!

"Just a sec!  Hang on!  Wait up-!"   Where was my dress?  My sarong?  Anything!    Oh dear, and I was bare footed, too, and hobbling.\   Finally, I found a dress, threw it over myself in a wet hurry, and  with bubbles still clinging to my arms and legs, and in a suddenly soaking dress I threw open the door.  Goodness knows what the courier guy must have thought? 

Out of all the minutes in a  24 hour day or maybe, let's say, a 12 hour day (because couriers probably don't deliver at midnight),  this courier picked to come to my house the minute I sat back contently in my bubble bath.  What are the odds?   Probably pretty okay odds when youre' dealing with an improbability queen like myself. 

I haven't tried out the Kindle yet.  What are the probabilities there, then?

Improbabilities Part II - darn it!

Here's a test:  what was I saying the other day about me being the improbability queen?  Yes, great, you did remember, head of the class for you.    For those who can't remember, I pointed out that improbabilities happen to me much much much more frequently than to anybody else, right?

Today, I went and got my clothes out from the washing machine in the garage, but I didn't make it to the clothesline.  I stumbled over the garage doorstep, and fell  hard down to the concrete path.  As I was falling - and it seemed to take hours - my brain was saying over and over again, "my-holiday!-my-holiday!-my-holiday!".  And just for variety, my mind added "Oh-no-I'll-break-my-leg!"

It's not bad enough that I have that plantar fasciitis thingee that has restricted my movement for the last two and a half months, but now both my ankles are hurting like Hades.

I sat on my path and cried.  I sobbed, and wailed so loudly  that my neighbour, from over the other side of the fence, yelled out "Is there anything wrong?"

I had to crawl on hands and knees into the house to open my front door to her.  Then crawl onto the sofa.  Both my neighbour and I agreed that I should sit with my feet in a cold bath of water, then bandage my ankles.  We didn't think I'd broken anything, or even sprained my ankles.  Probably just bad jarring.

When my neighbour left (thanks for attending me, Mary!) I did sit on the edge of the bath with my feet in cold water for about half-an-hour.  It's amazing what one can rummage up from this position.  I located  a) an ankle bandage, b) a roll of bandage from 1984,  c) a safety pin,  and d) some medical disinfectant I'd only bought the day before (yes, I'd grazed my knees, too).  I'll go to the doctor tomorrow if my ankles get worse.

So, what would be the improbablity of me hurting both my ankles when, at the same time,  I  had a sore heel?

Oh, and did I ever tell you that the doctor gave me, in reference to my heel,  a mobile disability card to flaunt in my car window when I'm parked by the door of the supermarket?    I wonder if there's a sort of two-for-one card special I can get?

 Now, what with bandages, heel pads, orthotic soles, socks, how will I ever get my foot into any shoes?  And I'm off to Queenstown soon.  Yeah, right, I'll really be able to explore that area thoroughly.  Not.

Oh, incidentally, J, my swimming buddy, fell off a stool she was standing on  yesterday (whilst she was burrowing in a high cupboard) and hurt her shoulder really bad.  She ended up with all her art gear sprawled around her, and an easel bouncing off her head.  It seems that not only are the two of us competitive in our winter swimming, we also like to 'fall down' together!  Hope you get better, J.



 

The improbability factor

In "Hitchhikers' Guide to the Galaxy", they ramble on about improbabilities.  Improbabilities happen to me a lot.   Not once, not twice, but three times over the last 6 days as I was getting out of my car, the strap of my shoulder bag got caught on the handbrake and yanked me back into the car again.

My shoulders are obviously the same height as lots of door handles because my sleeveless tops get caught up in them as I'm walking past, and I end up with a door handle sticking out from my bra strap.

If only one tall guy walks into a theatre lobby and I'm there, too,  I can swear on a stack of "Star Trek" DVDs  that he is going to sit in front of me during the actual show.  If I was in Las Vegas I could bet on it happening and come home with wads of cash.

Am I the only person out of thousands to plop down onto a sofa and my homing-pigeon of an elbow instantly finds the screen of my Kindle?  I mean, how much sofa space was there compared to how much Kindle?   Improbability-wise, my elbow had - what? -  20 times more sofa space to attack and yet it chose to find my beloved tiny e-reader.

Improbabilities, grrhhh!  I'm definitely the improbability queen.